I should have mentioned this back on Wednesday, but I’m on vacation with my family until Sunday. Regular content will resume on Monday.

From Thomas Merton:

The original, primitive meaning of spiritual direction suggests a particular need connected with a special ascetic task, a peculiar vocation for which a professional formation is required…. It is a continuous process of formation and guidance, in which a Christian is led and encouraged in his special vocation, so that by faithful correspondence to the graces of the Holy Spirit he may attain to the particular end of his vocation and to union with God.

Nothing longer because I went to see a possible spiritual director last night. Please pray that I can find someone who will help me on my journey.

A long quote from one of my patrons, the Venerable John Henry Cardinal Newman (The Church of the Fathers):

This is a world of conflict, and vicissitude amid the conflict. The Church is ever militant; sometimes she gains, sometimes she loses; and more often she is at once gaining and losing in different parts of her territory. What is ecclesiastical history but a record of the ever-doubtful fortune of the, though its issue is not doubtful? Scarcely are we singing Te Deum, when we have to turn to our Misereres…

I think this quote is very true for Church history, but it is also true for our spiritual lives. I post this only as a reminder, mostly for myself.

I read an article today which talked about the Church. It was crap.

From what I could tell, the article was upset that the Church is only associated with trying to stop abortion and gay “marriage” and not with anything else. Instead, it suggests, the Church should focus on the various social justice issues of the world.

It used the analogy of the Church to a rehab center. It argued that you don’t tell addicts to leave their addiction at the door before coming in; you accept them as they are and help them. The Church, it said, must do the same thing.

That’s true; the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a café for saints. But even the drug clinic will ask you to leave your drugs outside and come in wanting to get clean. The Church does the exact same thing: all sinners welcome, as long as you don’t want to be a sinner anymore.

But the underlying idea about the role of the Church in the world is what worries me.

We need to clear up the idea about why the Church exists. The Catholic Church does not exist as a means to help the materially-poor and downtrodden of the earth. The Church exists to provide salvation for us all. Thus, if society is promoting a value which would cause one to lose their soul, the Church has a duty (really, THE duty) to tell society that it is wrong in no uncertain terms. That’s the meaning of the prophetic office.

The Church must preach truth when a nation wages an unjust war, when society accepts and even promotes “alternative” lifestyles, and when society decides to redefine life so they can kill off those they deem “unworthy” or “unnecessary” or “a burden.”

I seem to remember some guy in the Bible saying “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God,” not “Make sure everyone has a living wage.”

That’s not to say that social justice isn’t important; it is. Under the Mosaic Law and in the prophets, we see Israel judged as a society on how well it treats the widows and orphans, those most vulnerable in society. But when the prophets were complaining and warning, it wasn’t just about those social justice issues.

I’ve seen this kind of argument time and time again. The Church DOES NOT EXIST only to provide for the material needs of people, nor is it praiseworthy only because it offers people a good moral compass (though it does, and should do, both). Jesus did not die so we could run soup kitchens.

So, besides a fundamental misunderstanding about the role of the Church in the world, we also have this issue of Catholics being overly associated with abortion and gay “marriage”.

Two quick thoughts occur to me:

1) These are two huge issues in society today, so it would make sense that much effort is focused on these issues.
2) I think there is a certain amount of media distortion in this appearance; without a doubt, gay “marriage” and abortion are not the only things the Church in America is focused on.

This is an issue of utmost importance to our identity as Catholics. We need to understand what the Church really is and why she prays and preaches the way she does. And we need to support her.

I remember the day when I learned you cannot trust the textbooks they give you in school. It occurred to me the other day, kind of randomly.

I was in my eighth-grade American History class. I absolutely loved this class, and I did quite well in it. The teacher was a great guy; he was passionate and smart and clearly enjoyed his work. He had this tendency to wear odd ties. I remember he had this great Beatles-”Yellow Submarine” tie he would wear once in awhile. He also thought it was the height of humor to call people by other names, especially if they wearing a sports jersey for the New England Patriots. He called me “Drew” once (as in Bledsoe).

We were studying the American Revolution, and I was loving every minute of it. Those great men! Adams, Washington, Jefferson, Franklin; what would it have been like to be alive amongst such men?! They were so enlightened, so brave, so intelligent! I liked to imagine that I was somehow the second-coming of Mr. Jefferson: quiet, intelligent, musically-inclined, and red-headed. Yes, I was a total history geek (and still am, pretty much).

Reading in our textbooks, we came to the section on the Sons of Liberty. There was a short sentence or two about the sister-organization of the Sons of Liberty (if you excuse the pun) called the “Daughters of Liberty.” I take it that we were supposed to feel good about the colonials equal-opportunity revolution, and that the female students were supposed to feel empowered.

The teacher stopped the class as we read that section, and took a deep breath.

“Now, I have nothing against women, and I totally support equal rights for them,” he began. We were a bit confused about this, as no one really assumed that he was a sexist or anything.

He took another breath. “But, I have to tell you this: there was no such thing as the ‘Daughters of Liberty.’ That is a complete fabrication.”

He then went on for a few more minutes, talking about women’s rights, the struggle for independence and equality, etc. But I was too dumbfounded to pay much attention.

Why would a history textbook insert such a glaring historical error? I mean, it’s not like they could have accidentally inserted it into the text; it had to be deliberate!

It would take a number of years before I really started to learn about questioning the information I took in. By the time I graduated high school, I had become a little better in knowing when a textbook, a documentary, or even a teacher, was trying to manipulate me into an opinion. College was a little harder, as the sophistry was more complicated and subtle, but I like to think that I am a decent critical thinker at this point.

Still, it was a jarring moment for me: a book, something that was supposed to give me knowledge, lied to me.

It was not a fun experience. But it certainly was useful.

Editor’s Note: I just remembered that I cheated on a quiz in this class. It was kind of by accident: we were supposed to memorize all the US presidents, and I had been practicing in my notebook, trying to develop some kind of muscle memory of their names, I guess. When I took out my notebook for the quiz, I happened to open it a few pages before my practice sheet. I was able to read some names before the teacher told me to put away my notebook. Sorry that I lied to you guys the other day, and sorry Mr. McGrath!

So, I have this one student. She’s from China. If you met her, you’d probably assign her to the category of stereotypical Asian girl: smart, quiet, giggly, etc. As a Chinese student, her English isn’t great, but it’s probably among the best compare to my other international students. Last week, she handed in an essay the other day with absolutely no grammatical mistakes.

Huh.

One quick Google search later brought up a page of free essays.

Ahh.

So, I go to the dean: down the stairs, through the computer lab, through the library, down the hall, knock knock knock. I show him the paper and the website, and we both agree: PLAGIARISM, the one unforgivable sin of academia. Penalty for first time offense: talk with the dean, write a strongly-worded letter to yourself about the evil that is taking another’s work and presenting it as your own, detention, “0” on the assignment (though I was told by the dean to let her redo the paper and submit it for a 55/F).

OK, fine. Done deal, yeah?

I was grading another stack of papers for another class. That same student is in this class as well. I get that creepy-crawly suspicious feeling in the pit of my stomach, so I pull out her paper. Perfect grammar, no spelling errors, an excellent essay.

Huh. A quick Google search later and I have, once again, found a website offering free essays on a variety of topics. Including the one I was holding in my hand.

Ahh.

So, again, I go to the dean, paper and website in hand: down the stairs, through the computer lab, through the library, down the hall, dean’s office. He hasn’t even had the chance to met with her about the first time! He assures me that he will put the fear of God into her and that the penalty will be increased accordingly and righteously.

Done deal, yeah?

So then she hands in her do-over paper. I don’t read it immediately; I’ve got other things to do. Later in the day, I read it. It’s decent enough; but why aren’t there any grammar or spelling errors?

No. No, she wouldn’t. Would she?

Google search. Yes, she would.

Once again, down the stairs, through the computer lab, through the library, down the hall, to the dean’s office. It’s almost funny at this point. Turns out, he still hasn’t had a chance to talk with her; that’s not unusual, however, as it’s only been like four days since this whole process started.

The next day, I send her down to his office during class. She misses a wonderful lecture and comes back looking as if she has been given a healthy dose of wisdom.

Done deal, yeah?

Today, she had to give a speech in a third class she’s in with me. I notice she’s reading from prepared remarks. Not a big deal; students get points deducted for not using an outline, but that’s OK. She hands it in.

Later in the day, I am looking over the outlines, making sure the students did what I told them to do: five sources, three main points, proper introduction and conclusion, etc. I come to her speech. It has no grammar mistakes, no spelling errors; it is a well-thought and well-argued speech.

At this point, I’m surprised I just didn’t start crying. Or laughing. Or both.

Google search. Yep. I stared at the screen for a good ten minutes before I could move again. That’s four acts of plagiarism in three assignments, for those of you keeping track at home.

So, down to the dean’s office again. He too is stunned almost into speechlessness.

So, what’s next for my student? Unless she can perform a small miracle, she’ll probably be expelled. We might try to help her enroll in a new school, but we’ll more than likely just pack her up and send her back to China.

I cheated once, in middle school. We were stuffed into a tiny classroom taking a test on prepositions. I hadn’t studied. The girl’s desk was two feet away. I could just barely make out two answers. I wrote them down. If I remember correctly, they might have been the only two answers on my quiz. But, because I have a keen moral sense, or because I’m Irish-Catholic, I felt guilty. This girl, it’s like she doesn’t care.

I’ve talked with teachers from other countries. They tell me that plagiarism is certainly against the rules in their schools, but it is not treated as a mortal sin like it would be in the States. In other countries, they might get a slap on the wrist. I assume this is why the school wanted to be lenient with my student at first.

So, how was your day?

So, what’s next?

I’ve been wondering that myself these past few months.

Over the summer, I visited a few monasteries. The Trappists in Spencer, the Benedictines in Petersham, and the Benedictines at St. Anselm’s College. I wonder if I didn’t go to those places as some kind of escape from the parish I was in.

In the seminary, I’d read about the Benedictine/Cistercian/Trappist way of life and have a definite longing in my heart for them. I read Strangers to the City, and I totally fell in love with the monastic/Benedictine ideal.

But lately, I’ve had no desire to go back to any of those places.

Well, the Petersham Benedictines are contemplatives, and I figured out very fast that that life wasn’t for me.

But there was something about the Trappist abbey. It was so beautiful. It was so peaceful. But, whenever I try to imagine living that life, I feel a certain pull away, an almost revulsion. The same with the monks at St. A’s: a certain pull there, but a certain revulsion when I try to imagine living the life.

I also remember a funny conversation over the summer where a priest friend of mine told me I should consider the Jesuits. I asked if he was joking. He laughed and said I might turn out to be the great reformer of the SJ. I asked if it would be appropriate for one to enter the religious life with the idea of changing it. He said no; but it was appropriate to enter the religious life in the hopes of doing the will of God.

I’ll admit that there is some attraction to the Jesuits: teaching, Ignatian spirituality, a wonderful history of martyrs. But, I don’t think it’s going to happen.

Then there’s the Oblates of the Virgin Mary, a kind of reformed Jesuit order whose ministry and mission focuses on Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. They run retreats, are spiritual directors to many, those sorts of things. But again, whatever pull I feel, there is an equal pull away from that life.

So, what’s the plan?

I’m going to save up my money, buy some new backpacking supplies, and go to Australia in Summer 2011.

That’s the only plan I feel like making right now.

Karol Gajda over at the Ridiculously Extraordinary blog has released his first free eBook: “How to Travel Anywhere in the World, Live with Locals, and Enjoy Outstanding Experiences by Couchsurfing.” He calls in the unofficial guide to Couchsurfing, and it was quite good (I had helped him proof-read it).

It’s free, so go check it out!

Fr. Gordan MacRae talks about an experience he had at the seminary during the bad times. His story, very vaguely, reminded me of my own seminary experience.

(I almost feel foolish bringing this up, at it is nothing compared with the suffering Fr. MacRae has gone through; but my new focus on Ignatian spirituality, fed by the books of Fr. Timothy Gallagher, compels me to be honest about my feelings and thoughts. So, here ya go:)

Obviously, the seminary I attended didn’t have nearly the number or types of problems which Fr. MacRae’s had. There was a definitive movement towards orthodoxy at my seminary, and even small movements back towards traditional forms of devotion: we had a holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament every week day, for example, and groups of students were always allowed to meet by themselves to do other devotions.

However, there still existed a dividing line between seminarians and faculty. There was still some tension between those of us seminarians who were more traditional in our outlook and those of whom were more (for lack of a better term) progressive. For example, some seminarians wanted to expand the communal prayer life of the seminary, while others thought that it was already too much for those who would be parish priests. There would be occasional hymns, and even Mass settings (depending on the priest), in Latin. But those of use who liked Latin were a bit on the outside; I would sometimes pray Compline in Latin with some brothers at night, in the dimly lit chapel. We were allowed to do it, but it wasn’t promoted.

One event in particular stands out. At one dinner, we had been talking about how awesome it would be if Mass could be offered in the Extraordinary Form. Since I was the most eloquent defender of the older rite, someone suggested that I bring it up to the next seminary council meeting. I was told by members of the council that they would support my suggestion, so I wouldn’t be going it alone. This was important, because asking for something like this would most definitely mark you: at best, I’d be considered traditional, while at worst, I could be called a reactionary and treated as such.

So, I put some effort into writing my resolution, offering some basics reasons as to why we should try out the Extraordinary Form every now and then: it’s a legitimate option for Mass, so it would be nice to be somewhat familiar with it in case our parishioners ever requested it; the Pope seems to think it ought to be encouraged; we can learn more about the liturgy in general by seeing it in both forms; etc. I thought that I had done a decent job of presenting the reasons why we should do it, and I looked forward to presenting it to petition to the council.

The night of the council came, and I was a bit nervous (yes, I still get nervous before speaking to a group of people). I read my resolution, and then the president opened the floor for debate.

One by one, all of the members of the council began explaining what an awful idea I had just suggested. Not a single brother offered any kind of support to me, with one exception (he asked me for further details about when it should be celebrated; I answered on Saturdays, when the seminarians weren’t required to go to Mass at the seminary). Finally, the rector spoke about how he thought it was a bad idea. I expected that from the rector, but I was shocked about the actions of my brothers.

I left the meeting mad as hell, genuinely wanting to punch something (or someone). I had put my neck out with the expected support of my brothers, and that support wasn’t there. Some other seminarians, not on the council, said they appreciated my attempt to have the Extraordinary Form said at the seminary, but their words meant little to me. I felt betrayed.

A more traditional priest, when I told him this story, wondered if it wasn’t a prank of some kind. It might have been, but I can’t quite bring myself to believe that that’s what happened.

So, what did happen? I really don’t know. I always wanted to ask my brothers why they left me hanging in front of the rector that evening, but I never did. Whenever I thought about it, I would get mad all over again, and I didn’t think I could control my Irish temper.

Was this a huge deal that the seminary never offered the Extraordinary Form of the Mass, at least while I was there? No, probably not. I offer this story only to show that there is still a division within the Church, even within the ranks of those who will someday serve the Church on earth. That division may be much smaller than what Fr. MacRae witnessed, but it still exists.

In a related story, Fr. Z looks at how Pope Paul VI introduced the Novus Ordo.

This is the second version of this post, because I deleted the first version. Why? Because I’m an idiot.

I came across this story by Br. Charles, a blogging Franciscan friar. Br. Charles describes how, in religious communities, there is a tendency for the members to blame others for their problems. Having trouble avoiding those chocolate bars? Must be the fault of brother grocery shopper! Having trouble focusing on prayer? Must be the fault of the noisy brother in the back!

You get the idea: it’s always someone else’s fault that we are not already on the path to sainthood. I mean, c’mon! Look at the people who surround us! No wonder I’m not in Heaven yet! If only there were none of these damn heathens everywhere, then I could be the perfect Christian, the Catholic that I want to be. Oh well, perhaps that is my cross to bear…

Obviously, I’m being sarcastic. Br. Charles’ piece resonated with me when I read it earlier today, but I couldn’t figure out why. His piece reminded me that often I had the same attitude while in seminary. If only this brother had blown his nose before entering the chapel, then I could pray in peace; if only that faculty member let me change my course schedule, then I could be a better student. And so it goes.

I’m sure we’ve all been there, offering excuses for why we weren’t our best today. Maybe some of it is outside our control: I had a cold, I didn’t sleep well last night, etc. There are things that happen which are outside of our control and prevent us from doing what we want to do. In those cases, I try to have a certain Stoic acceptance of my fate, smile, and then get over it. It’s not easy to do that, of course, but I get by OK.

But, so many of my excuses seem to fall way outside this category:

I had a bad lesson today because I didn’t prepare for it, not because those students talked and weren’t paying attention.

I wasn’t present for a teacher who was having a bad day because I was too concerned with my own issues, not because I had somewhere important to be.

I really wonder sometimes how close I would be to sainthood if I actually stopped making excuses, stopped blaming others, and really turned to God and asked for His help.

I was reading a bit of Thomas Merton today (which is interesting, because Br. Charles opens his post with a Merton quote). I’ve read the same chapter for a few days in a row now, and I keep coming back to this sentence:

There will never be any awakening in me unless I am called out of darkness by Him Who is my light.*

The reason I am not a saint yet is because I have not let myself be called by Him Who Is.

Maybe someday, I’ll let myself be called. I certainly hope so.

* Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude (emphasis added)

An interesting video for those of you who (like me) can’t seem to figure out what the hell to do with this one life:

Interesting. Not sure if it’s right or not, but it sure is interesting.

(h/t)

That’s the question asked by the Chronicle of Higher Education to a panel of experts. And also, what to do about it.

To all of my generation who voted for the hopeandchange: get ready to pay for more taxes!!

How much does this small change mean for the government? So sayeth the WSJ:

This is a sneaky way for politicians to pry more money out of workers every year without having to legislate tax increases. The negative effects of failing to index compound over time, yielding a revenue windfall for government as the years go on. The House tax surcharge is estimated to raise $460.5 billion over 10 years, but only $30.9 billion in 2011, rising to $68.4 billion in 2019, according to the Joint Tax Committee.

Yes! Woohoo! Let’s pay for those baby-boomers and their free health care! Awesome!!

(h/t)

The Anchoress provides us with some words of wisdom about what a teacher should be:

Amma Theodora lists these qualities for a teacher:
– Have no desire to dominate
– Have no interest in vanity or pride
– Never be distracted by flattery or gifts
– Be in control of the stomach
– Be slow to become angry
– Be as patient, gentle and humble as possible
– Be properly examined and without political ties
– Be a lover of souls

God, forgive me, for I am none of these things. I hate most of my students, I hate the subjects that I teach, and I love those moments when I can show how wise and worldly I am to them, my students. I teach them my truth. Please, through the intercession of your Blessed Mother, the Seat of All Wisdom, may I become the teacher you want and need me to be, so that I might lead my students to the Truth which is Your Son, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, who with You and the Holy Spirit, are the Triune God, Three in One, into eternity. Amen.

Archbishop Charles Chaput tells us what we should be reading.

(h/t)

Some facts about the sexual abuse crisis in the Church versus in the rest of the world.

Summary: though still horrible, the Church has less instances of sexual abuse of minors than Protestant churches, Jewish groups, and public schools.

But priests abuse kids because they can’t get married.

We were discussing Ralph Waldo Emerson in class today. I can’t remember exactly how I got on the topic, but I asked my students if they still believed that America was a land of opportunity, where anyone could come and be moderately successful if they were willing to work hard.

This class is made up of all international students: one student from Greece, one from Korea, and about fifteen from China. But they all agreed on the answer to my question.

Yes, America is still a land of opportunity.

I was a little shocked. Had my cynicism about the American Dream somehow blinded me to a truth my students saw? Is it really still the case that anyone with a few bucks and a strong work ethic can do well-enough in America? Honestly, I’m not entirely sure I believe that anymore; me, a patriotic, conservative American!

But my students, all from the outside of this country, think I am wrong not to believe in the American Dream.

Interesting.

Iranian students to Pres. Obama: “Obama, Obama, Are you with the regime or with us?“

Well, it’s a legitimate question! But I think we already know the answer. Just more victims for Obama to throw under the bus. Hope and change!

(h/t)

Heh: “Maine Voters Agree with Obama on Gay ‘Marriage’”.

(via Glenn)

So, what do the current election results mean?

Well, the victory for marriage in Maine shows, once again, the mainstream of America are against what has become one of the central planks of the Democrat’s platform. If the Dems ever want a permanent majority, all they need to do is drop their support for abortion and gay “marriage.” No charge for the advice!

Hoffman’s lose in NY-23 is bad news, but I can’t help but think he would have won if he didn’t have to deal with Scozzafava. The GOP made a huge (and unforced!) mistake in nominating her. I don’t think it was her social liberal leanings that made people upset; I think people are finally starting to revolt against those politicians whose sole purpose in government is spending money. That’s what the tea parties were about, that’s what NY-23 is about. Owens won because the party couldn’t unite, and the party couldn’t untie because the party elite were out of touch with the party faithful.

Also, many congratulations to Christie and McDonnell for winning their respective gubernatorial races. Are these some kind of referendum against Pres. Obama? Maybe, but it’s just as likely that the deciding factor was local politics. I don’t know enough about either of the politics in VA or NJ to be able to tell you what the answer is, but I also have some free advice from the GOP, courtesy of Han Solo: “Great shootin’, kid, just don’t get cocky!”

The GOP can win big in 2010, we just need to find the “right” people to do it, not the same old party-hacks interested in their own aggrandizement and personal coffers. We need people like Hoffman and Christie and McDonnell, not like Scozzafava. That’s how Newt* and his GOP won back in 1994, and that’s the only way the GOP can win in 2010.

I’m so upbeat and pumped about the coming midterms that I might have to dust off my Republican buttons and start wearing them again. Well, maybe not THAT excited.

*As a side note, I thought it was absolutely hilarious that Newt has gone from the GOP rebel to a party-hack supporting whatever nominee the party presents. He has gone way down in my estimation after this election cycle.